It’s midnight and I can’t sleep, the thoughts keep racing in my mind, yet I am not at liberty to share with anyone at all. I have been feeling like this for a month now but I can not place a name to it.
Many times I want to laugh with others but I begin thinking they won’t understand me. Sometimes I want to join weekend outings and get togethers but I end up locking myself indoors. Excuses has become the order of the day for me.
It all started when I failed to convince a client to sign a huge contract. This was a big deal for the company and my boss assigned me as he was not around. Even though I was few months old on the workplace, they still chose me to perform the task. I thought to myself, ‘How lucky I could be.’ All I wanted was the exposure and the chance to learn new things despite the outcome.
However, the client failed to understand why a new face was being sent to negotiate a deal with him, a female face for that matter. Before giving me a chance to explain, he erupted and started cursing, blaming our company for undermining his potential. Was that the company’s aim here? No.
I returned with a blank contract and this meant I had failed the company big time. My boss had just returned when I arrived at work and when he saw the blank contract, his face turned pale at first and then a little red within minutes. I was in for some trouble here.
He blamed me for not convincing our client and for failing to represent the company well and he demoted me with immediate effect from being his Deputy to the ground floor, where the reception was. ‘You will learn human management skills there and don’t ever dream of rising to the top again, you are just a liability to the company’, he said all this without giving me a chance to explain.
I could not quit the job as I needed to pay my bills and it was hard to get a new one due to the pandemic. My workmates laughed at me for this serious downgrade from sixth floor back to the ground and most of the new friends I had made abandoned me. Its been two months after the incident, yet going to work is horror for me everyday, I can’t even smile when I am at work and it gets worse when I get home and I am alone to think about it.
Depression is real and it had become the order of the day in our Society.
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