The Pain: Motherhood Series

After he was done, he did not leave me there, he carried me to the bathroom and forced me to bath right away. i was still young and i did not understand the order of bathing plus i was in pain so he ended up doing it himself. I felt sharp pains, it was like i had been ripped by a sharp knife or scissors. When we got back in the bedroom, he asked me to sit down and he slapped me first before he began to command me.

I listened in fear as he told me never to tell anyone of this or else he would kill. He even threatened to throw me out of the house if i ever refused to open my legs for him from today. I became a shattered soul, i knew nothing about childhood and yet here he was taking me for a wife. We can all agree that infants are the best secret keepers especially when threatened and this became me. I resented playing with other kids and two years down the line, when i was just seven, i already knew how to cook and perform all other household chores.

Our neighbours would complain to my father to look for a house help but he would just send cursing words back at them. I became a silent and very reserved child and most times it was either i am at school or i am indoors at home. My schoolmates even gave me a nickname, “Big Mama”, and this was only because my body was fast developing than most of them. It wasn’t new to me for i was being made a woman at home by my father yet to them i was still supposed to be a child.

Most times before my father comes in late from the bar, i would sit and cry wishing my mother would just remember me and come back to take me. I longed to hear a knock and see her beautiful smile again and also hear her say she had come to take me back.

Two years later, when i was just nine, i received the most heartbreaking news in my life that made me feel worthless. By now, i knew of suicide and the thoughts kept coming in my head, i had a desire to die than to keep being abused. Our neighbour told me that my mother had been married again and her wedding was in two weeks time. She knew the venue and so she suggested to go with me there and maybe she would accept me back.

What to wear was not an issue, for from the day he made me his wife, he made sure to buy me expensive clothes, groceries and school supplies just so i would keep my mouth shut. Two weeks seemed like two days for i was so excited to meet my mom and maybe i would open up to her too. Our neighbor came to our place around 8am while my father was still sleeping and we sneaked out of the compound. The good thing is i had done all the household chores and even prepared his breakfast and lunch. I had learnt to wake up early.

We arrived at the venue two hours later. Wow what a well decorated place it was and everyone looked so happy. I saw a very small girl who was beautifully dressed and who looked almost like me. That must be her daughter, but how did she? Was she already…? I kept asking myself unfinished questions and before i knew it, our eyes met.

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