Valentine Series

In the bathroom, i failed to understand why i had left Tanaka kneeling down without giving him a response. Just when i finished washing my face to remove the sweat and tears, a message popped up on my phone, it was Tatenda. “Happy Valentines my forever love and don’t think i will ever give up on you, even if you get married.” How did he know about the proposal?, i asked myself but still had no perfect answer to it. The more i tried to get answers, the more my suspicions arose. In my heart, I vowed never to speak to whoever was feeding him with information even if we were related. Just then i remembered, Tanaka could still be kneeling down at the door or he could hiding in his blankets crying and filled with shame. I rushed from the bathroom and i could feel from the way people were looking at me that something was definitely not right. Everyone seemed to be passing blaming looks and some were even crying and this really made me nervous. He had hanged himself at the balcony of his room in the hostels and his life had ended because of a Valentines engagement gone wrong. This was surely my fault, why had i embarassed him and why was it difficult for me to forget Tatenda and move on. I knelt down and cried bitterly for our dear Tanaka had lost his life simply because of me. I was filled with guilt and i vowed never to celebrate Valentine’s day ever again. Wait a minute, what was I going to say to his family and how was my family going to take it? This was the greatest disaster of my life and that instant, i called my sister Mellisa. She was shocked and devastated too but promised to have my back through it all. His parents quickly accepted their son’s fate and explained to me that he had suffered from paranoia and anxiety for a long time now. They were afraid it had developed into major depression as he may have not been taking his medication religiously. I choked for he had never told me all this or maybe i never had time to be there for him while reminiscing on my past. As a young girl, i blamed myself for i was ashamed to have someone’s child die because of me. I had lost two lovers on this day they call Valentine’s hence there was no need for me to celebrate it at all. Shame and guilt filled me and i spent days locking myself indoors for i did not want to talk about it at all, let alone be reminded about it. Love life is hard and it will never go well without proper advice. REFLECTION What is that thing you do not like about love,what made you hate love? Do you give love your all and are you always there for those who care for you. Be willing to love unconditionally and you will get unconditional love in return. Do unto others as you like them to do unto you surely applies in love too, love fully and you will get it fully, love less and you will get less love too. When you love yourself first, loving others becomes easier too.

5 thoughts on “Valentine Series”

  1. Too bad Tanaka had to die shame…But this happens to most guys especially when you are not yet financially stable and the girl has other options. How do i make sure that she loves only me and has no other options?

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