With A Heavy Heart I Love: Valentine Series

From the day he died whilst proposing to me, I lost faith in my self, guilty and shame always covered me and i made a vow never to love again. I had to work on myself for surely i may end up suffering from depression too. Love to me became a word and those who appreciated it, i always said they were insane. Why love when you can die in the process or why love when your heart can be broken and eventually you may be dumped. Going to bed became a horror for me for i would wake up at midnight, his sorrowful face was tormenting me. I decided to seek professional help and fortunately i had a male Occupational therapist friend who agreed to help. At first i hesitated for the fact that he was a male and what if he ends up taking advantage of my pain. However, these sessions helped as i was taught to go through the stages of grief. I had held on to denial for a long time and if i had kept on i was likely going to choke and eventually also think of death. He helped with some psychotherapy activities and the role play and role reversals seemed to be quite effective. A month later, i was engaged in group therapy with some other ladies who were in the same condition as me and this helped me open up. Three months down the line, i felt i could be ready to love again. We met at a funeral and he approached me with a smile and comforting words. I had lost a loved one and he was one of their colleagues and so had attended the burial too. Because i was grieving, when he asked for my phone number, i did not hesitate to give it to him for i did not want anyone to keep bothering me with condolence messages. Two nights later, my phone rang and it was him. At first i was confused for i had already forgotten him but his explanation helped me recall our meeting. Without further hesitation, he let the cat out of the bag, he loved me and he was ready to enjoy life with me. No, i was not ready for all this and why did he even think i was single at this moment? Is it always clear when one is single or its just men trying their luck? Food for thought. I tried to maintain my calm and i told him i would only give him a chance if he said his words in person. This was my cover up plan for i knew that we stayed cities apart. However, on the burial day i had said to much and he already knew where i stayed and worked. The call ended and i felt happy that i had given him a challenging task, but what i did not know was what i awaited me the following morning. I found him waiting at the door of my workplace, with a bunch of roses and this time that smile looked brighter than before. Wait a minute, something about him had changed. Ooow it was his haircut and dressing too. This time he was formally dressed unlike when we first met, he was casually dressed. While i looked at him, i thought to myself, have i found the right guy again and will he be all he mentioned last night? Just then a thought of Tatenda and Tanaka raced in my mind and the picture of Tanaka hanging flashed in front of me. I felt the ground getting closer to me and that’s all i can remember….. read, like, share, follow and comment for more!!!

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